Meeting

The meeting went well.

I went and every night there is a topic and every night I discuss as best I can the topic.

After the meeting, I found out that you can actually discuss anything you like.  It doesnt even have to be the topic!  So this week, they are in for a shocker.

The topic was about making amends to people you have hurt.  I came home to discuss that with my husband and said there is no way I can make ammends.  I will not!  How can I get through this if I am not willing to do this step?  He said to me: No one said you have to make ammends to people who hurt you.

This struck me because I was sucked into the thinking that I must have done or not done something to my Dad.  Why else would he just be willing to up and leave all the time?  I must not have done something right!  In that one visit in June there must have been something that set him off in order to not want to be involved.

how crazy.  How crazy am I to think that a narcissist (and he is a narcissist) would put that much stock in someone else! It likely had nothing to do with me and never has.  I now have to deal with the fact that I was never a factor in his life and it was all about him all the time.  Still is.  And forever will be.

So I am past hoping he dies in a firey crash on his drive across the country.  I am now willing to hope he made it and that he is just miserable forever.  Thats a nicer form of hate, and in my opinion, a step up in the ammends department.