I have never in my life realized it or knew what it was.
My significant other wanted to go out on the weekend and drink and spend the night and I literally went crazy. I was shaking, sobbing, screaming, and totally ready to lose my shit.
They dont get it though. They dont get that people leave me. They leave me because I am not good enough or I have done something or there is something so terribly wrong with me that they cant stay or if they do stay they regret every minute of it.
They think I have to just trust them but I dont know how. I was never shown how. This is the foundation of who I am and how I was raised. I will protect myself at all costs.
This may not make any sense to anyone reading it. It barely makes sense to me, but I am still trying to sort it all out myself. I think its time to look into how I am going to get a sponsor. I need a sponsor to help me get my head around it all.
My Dad never emailed me to tell me he made it to BC. Maybe fate obliged me and he did end up in a firy wreck.
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